RANSVESTIA

Then he had to go to his pitcher of water which stood on the night table and drink a few swallows to put out the raging fire in his throat.

Even as he neared the heater again he could feel the effects of his rapid drinking. Intoxication began to numb any objection of what he would do to himself next. From a locked suitcase he took some slender nylon rope and then he climbed on the bed with his head almost spin- ning in dizziness. He tied his feet together at the ankles, below and above his knees he tightly bound his legs. He fastened one end of the rope to one side of the metal bed and the other end to the other side, leaving himself lying on his back.

He took the remaining rope and managed to tie his wrists tightly together and then attach the ends of the rope to the head of the bed so that he would spend the night in self inflicted punishment. It took him a long time to drift off to sleep because of the tightness of the ropes.

Since he did not eat with the family he rented from, there was no need for them to call him the next morning which was Saturday. As a result he fitfully slept until ten thirty and woke up cramped, aching and angry at himself for giving in to this aberration of his subconscious. It took him quite a while to untie the knots which had tightened from his pulling against them in his sleep.

Once he had freed himself, he hurriedly yanked off the clothes which now offended him. They had served their purpose and would be thrown into the muddy Mississippi at his first opportunity. His wrists and ankles were deeply trenched where the ropes had chaffed him. The signs would be there he knew for at least a whole day.

"If I could just overcome this desire to punish myself in women's clothes" he said out loud. It stemmed from his mother dressing him in his sister's clothing once, when he had done some childish mischief. He knew that much. "But why women's clothes?" he pondered.

Martin went through the day drifting around town. In his billfold was the last money he had in the world, a hundred and twenty bucks which had been hidden under his mattress. It drizzled cold rain all day and by dark he had watched one early movie at a Canal Street theatre. He made the rounds of several Bourbon Street bars, drinking a beer or two in each. About ten, after watching the first floor show in one, he went to his car, knowing he was heading for the gambling joint the moment he left the bar.

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